a Life's Story

今までありがとう、私たちもう友達じゃないんだ。信じるの事ができないんだ。 I seriously wish that I have the guts to tell you this. Unfortunately I don't.

Kadang-kadang kita rasa down sangat kita tak tau nak buat apa. Kadang-kadang kita rasa down sangat kita tak suka dengan semua orang. Kadang-kadang kita down sangat kita rasa semua orang benci kita. Kadang-kadang kita rasa down sangat, kita lupa orang tu pun ada masalah dia jugak. Tapi takpe, semua orang pun takkan mengaku salah sendiri, kan? Sebab selalunya kita tak nampak silap sendiri, silap orang je kita boleh nampak. Kan tu guna mulut, bagitau jela. * merepek lagi.

I don't care if it's about the Japanese stuff that I love. I was watching Himitsu no Arashi-chan aired on March 29, 2012. And there's some sort of a visit to a school in Tokyo, and at the end of it, the students are allowed to ask Sho-chan questions. When asked about how to be cool by a 17 year old boy, he answered, Rather than compensating something which you lack, well, the talent, or rather, I think it's the diligence which you possess, if you were to develop that, wouldn't you be cool? 足りないとこを補うっていうよりも、今持っている才能というか、努力だと思うけど、それを伸ばしていくって事でカッコよくなれるんじゃないかな。 And a girl was asking Arashi's secret of friendship, this is part of Sho-chan's answer, I think it's the level at which we've set our discretion and tolerance, probably. I feel that in everything, it's rather nonsensical to immediately get into a conflict because I felt irritated or angry. Just tolerate it for a time, but if you tolerate everything, you wouldn...

Ada satu-satu point, dalam satu jangka masa tertentu, aku akan baring-baring atas katil (sama ada baru lepas bangun atau baru lepas habis satu novel atau baru habis fikir) dan tiba-tiba rasa; tak nak bangun dari katil ni, tak nak keluar dari bilik ni, rumah ni; menghadap manusia-manusia yang buat aku sentiasa pening.  Selalunya mood merepek datang masa tengah stress, tapi apa yang buat aku stress sekarang pun entahlah. Tapi, masa-masa macam ni, masa aku je yang tak tidur lagi dalam rumah ni; masa aku  boleh faham perasaan jadi hikikomori . Tempting, tapi hidup menyusahkan orang bukan hidup yang berguna. *** It's impossible to understand someone completely, simply because people change.

Bila kita boleh terima buruk baik someone tu, baru kita boleh pergi jauh dengan orang tu. Tak kisahlah dalam relationship yang macam mana sekalipun. And bila kita sanggup tegur buruk orang tu tanpa tangguh-tangguh, kita sebenarnya dah berusaha untuk terima hakikat yang orang tu sentiasa ada dekat dengan kita untuk bolehkan kita rasa marah dekat dia. The past is history, what's important is how are we living the present and preparing for the future. We may have been repeating the same mistake over and over again because we can't or simply refuse to understand the problem. Or maybe we just need a wake-up call to keep us from repeating the mistakes. *I'm not making sense. Again.

When I was at lowest point of my life, I'd like to think that everything is unfair. I'd like to think that fate cannot be changed. I'd like to think that I'm going to be in despair forever. How stupid. Wasn't I the one who said that no matter how unlucky my life is, there will always be someone who is worse than me but are still smiling? That the term unlucky is only for the pessimist. That the fact of whether how much luck we have depended on how we get through everything in life. True, I had my share of bad days. True, I've lost things along my life. True, some of them are because of myself. Only to find out that I can enjoy the next normal day because I had my share of bad days. Only to find out that in order to gain some, I have to lose some. Only to learn that making mistakes is how I make myself better. What are you afraid of? You think that the problems you've seen are something you can't handle? Why do you think you can't han...

Anything, and everything that you have in life can be taken away. In an instant. In just a blink of an eye. What is it that you get by backstabbing your friend? What is it that you get by lying to your friend? What is it that you get by doing things, saying stuff to your friends behind their back?  Tell me please. Tell me how much do you consider your friends as friends. Tell me how much you care. Tell me how much you love. Tell me how much humanity is left in you. Because, I don't understand why do you have to do that to your own friend. And his family. Because, I'm wondering if he did something to you in the past. And there's none. None that I know. None that I remember.