Decision-making.

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Once upon a time, I made a life-changing decision by thinking it thorough. By considering the pros and cons, by considering every other alternatives that you can imagine. And of course, I'd never regretted taking that decision, it has taught me more than I could imagine in just three years.

Then after three years, the time to make another decision strikes again. I still have time to ponder, to mope around, thinking of what-ifs and what-wills. All the same, it didn't give the sense of rush that I had three years back because I have roughly five months to think about my life. Back then, I think I have less than a month, and it didn't help with my lack of resources.

Only now, life has never been clearer, but scarier. The thoughts of having to work to get money to survive, does scare me a lot. I know some people gets by with help from parents or elder siblings. Me? I can't rely on my parents, not anymore. And I'm the eldest. How can I be selfish and not go look for a good job to sustain my life, and help my brothers and sisters along the way?


Maybe it's time to wake up from the dream. Maybe the dream is meant to be a dream. Maybe the dream won't be now, maybe it will be a reality, someday, but not soon.

But it's okay. I can deal with scary, as long as it's clear.



p/s: It's ironic, I'm writing all these in McDonald's near my home. Which may take all the seriousness away, maybe?

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