Life.

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Sometimes, I like reading my own posts, just to remind myself how good life is right now, or how I get through a difficult phase.

Honestly, I've been through a lot, but only within myself. It doesn't really show, the complexes or the swirly thoughts that I usually have. Even if it does, people can't really guess why I was down.

I'd have to say that being so down, that you can barely pick yourself back up again is really not the best feeling in the world. To be fair, it is actually one of the worst. If you ever cried yourself to sleep, feeling miserable, it's just like that, only multiplied by a hundred times. And it drags you down. (It is a period of depression after all.) Performance is dropping, your interaction with others become limited because you're edgy all the time. And that's just a few, because different people may have different situations.

I get through mine by a sudden realisation. When I realised I can accomplish nothing if I keep moping and complaining, I knew I've got to do something. Anything, as long as I can be better again. At first, I was blind, so I just grab whatever I have in front of me. I didn't think it through. After knowing I can't turn back on my decision, I tried to reason myself, telling myself that this is the one I need, and it is enough if I can just excel in this. 

I tried, but I was too hard on myself, that I broke down, again. I think that I can never get up again, even after been given that chance. I was so lost, I don't know what to do. Even when my friends tried to cheer me up, I smiled and said thank you, but nothing they've said really eased up the pain.

I don't really understand how I get through the second period of depression, but I know that I laughed a lot being around friends. I still don't talk about what I feel, but being close, I listened to everything that my friends have to say. I'd even give them advice (great ones, I tell you) despite myself was so broken inside. But after a while, I noticed that everyone have their own problems, deal with it. Maybe the level of hardness is different, but still, different people have different kind of life, thus the difference in problems.

Maybe I get through mine because I have friends that I know will always be there for me. Even when I don't feel like talking, they will do all the talking to take my mind off things. Even when I'm not in my best mood, they will do something to make me laugh. Even when I've lost my will to get up and do work, they will push me until the job is done. 

Thank you, friends.



p/s: Why no family? This happened when I'm away from my family and I can only see them after a two-hours flight. And this is for all my friends who supported me, not just that certain friend who wanted a specific post just for him. LOL

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