Who are you?

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I've always said that I know myself. That I know what I want, I know how I'll do things, I know how I'll react to stuff, that I know who I am. 

Reading back my past posts, and watching how I change my writing style in this blog, and looking back in LJ, where the most random rambles are there, and I began to wonder: who am I?

I've been dragged to a motivational talk quite a number of times (blame high school) and once, the motivator talked about a topic that I was interested in (still do, in fact,): finding yourself.

At the end of the session, he asked us to give him ideas in finding yourself. I remembered saying something like this:
"Even if we can't find who we are, we can always create ourselves to be who we want to be."
It wasn't the exact words, but it was something along the line. Being a schoolgirl with no idea about the world, I was sure that I'll find myself when I've finished school, get into university and started working. That by the time I've finished my studies, I will surely find who I'm meant to be.

How wrong that thought was.

I've done everything in that order, to find who I really am. And just by re-reading old posts, I got swayed and wonder who I really am. Because seriously, I don't really talk that way in life, and if you see my LJ, I don't even talk or act like a girl. But there, I flailed and go crazy over pretty boys; which is kinda awkward when my friends found out that I actually do have an interest in guys. (Duh, I'm straight). 

I seriously don't know how I can live my life talking and acting like a guy on one side, and be childish on another, and 360° change when I'm obsessing myself over pretty boys. I changed how I act and talk when I see different people as well, and usually my friends will passed it off as me talking to a stranger. Truth is, I just talked and acted differently around different people because nobody's the same. But at some points in life, I will stop and think: does how I treat people define who I am? And if so, which is me since I treat people differently?

By different, I mean even among close friends and family, I talked and act differently around them. One second I'm the independent person, then I started to be the most spoiled girl ever existed. I don't know whether that gives me split personality, or people may find me weird for acting different, even among close friends.

But then again, people who are near to me usually have seen me in different kind of personality, and they're still with me. That's all that matters, isn't it?


Comments

  1. fude27 November 2012 at 22:46

    i think everyone is pretty much the same. we all have different sides of ourselves and different people get different side according to the level of closeness. no matter how mature or how old we are, the will always be time when we will act like a kid because the human nature is that we like to be cared for. it is nice having someone to spoiled us once in a while :)

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