a Life's Story

Dear you, Look at me. Look at me. I said, look at me and tell me; do you really think I don't have feelings? Or is it you, whom are not able to feel like all other human beings do? You do things according to you, you have never asked me, not even once. I wonder why. Are you that insensitive towards other's feelings? I know, that we are not perfect. But not noticing something that even an unfamiliar person realised is not something that I can understand. And you called yourself a friend? I wonder about that. I wonder where do that come from. Maybe those people don't know you as well as I do. Me, who stick with you all the times, and me, whom you'd ignored because of the people. I wonder what do you see in them. My other friends said you're an idiot, and I said you're kind. I feel like puking when I said those words, I'm lying too much just to save your face. It's not like I'm not your friend anymore, but I have the same feeling with them. Like I don...

Lost . Forever. My friend lost his dad on the same day they were celebrating his mum's birthday. I was already crying, from watching stray dogs being caught and when they let out a cry. Right now, I'm thinking what would it feels like if it's me. Nauzubillah, in any time soon, but still. Who am I to challenge the power of God? How can I predict the future? I wonder how I will be if I'm to face the same situation. I wonder how will our family go on? I wonder if I can go on? I'm an idiot daughter, I've never show any kind of appreciation towards my parents. I'm not a good daughter, and you might as well as call me someone who would not remember her parents for raising her. True, it's so true. How many times have I disappoint my dad? How many times have I made my mum cried? I don't even know myself. See how terrible I am? See how ungrateful I am? But still my parents did not tossed me away. My mum did not scold me when I cried after seeing my college...

I'm not perfect. Duh. That's obvious. None of us are. But at least, I know I want to fix all the bad things in me. Few things of them: Talking bad about others behind their back. I thought I've able to control it, but it seems to be worse recently Control my spending, I'm going to get more money by next year, should be careful about it Overcome that stupid laziness and insanity on not caring what will happen when I skipped classes. Insanity should be at a better place Managing time. It was good, but it can be better. There. Sort of early new year resolutions. These are the simple ones, the hard part will come later. Around the year 2011 XD

I've been thinking too much lately. Thinking too much and keeping everything to myself. Either I'm mad, frustrated, sad, lonely even happy. I think too much and I don't know where it takes me. I'm feeling mellow and sensitive and down almost all the time, and despite trying not to dwell to much on it, I keep thinking and it made me feel more miserable. I don't know why, but recently I feel like I'm faking everything. Like I'm forcing myself to smile, and pushing myself to make small conversations. Sometimes I feel like this life isn't the only life I have, the only life I live. (Don't worry about me going crazy, because I am ^^) That I'm tired of living both, and wanted to start over a new one. The proof? I have a lot of unfinished stuff in my laptop and to-do list. Even though I know that I haven't finished one, I started working on another stuff without thinking. It makes me thinking, makes me wonder what is it that is wrong me? Is it beca...

Over a month since my last update. Busy? Yeah. No idea? Yeah. But most of the time, no internet connection. *nods* Finals are on its way. I have like, a little over month before the time comes *sigh*

I'm in my hostel room. I'm in my second month of my second semester here. And since I got a room, the management organised a lot of activities and events that they can think of. And if I want to get a room for next semester, I have to go to these events. My assignments are piling, we have replacement classes every other day because of the coming Eid celebration. I have more than five of unfinished articles, (if it is fit to be called such, that is) and there are even days I can't switch on my laptop. Getting an internet connection is another thing. In other words, I still want to write, but I can't find time to think and write in full. I'm still a student, so study comes first. But whenever I managed to write something, it will be left hanging because I can only spare ten minutes to write and think, and I usually took half an hour to an hour to finish one stuff, if my brain can think of something fast enough. I will continue to write, writing is the only thing le...

I was in Kuala Lumpur, one of the busiest city in Malaysia. Pity. That's what I think of this city. Pity, as I looked around, seeing nothing but cars. Pity. The people have huge cars and house, but with a heart smaller than those who are not exposed to development. Pity. I saw a man, with no legs to walk, lying on the sidewalk, waiting for people to throw him a coin or two. Pity. I saw a blind old man, playing some instrument with a case in front of it. There's a few coins, only a couple of MYR1 in the case. We see this a lot, we see this almost everyday. We, who live in towns like this. I wonder, why did the security ignored the man who was lying just 2 metres away from him. I saw a lot of foreign people, and they seem to be looking at the man. I felt a little ashamed of my own country, my own leaders. They promised, that these weak people will get help. They promised, that we won't be seeing them on the streets anymore. They promised, that these people will be given a b...