a Life's Story

I was hoping an emotional post of yesterday's digest, posted yesterday, but instead I have the usual ramblings. Like always. Yup, 22 years old, yesterday. Which doesn't sound cool to me because I'm now officially an adult. (Not that being 21 doesn't remind me of that)  22. No qualifications (yet), no job, no nothing. I might catch a few glimpse of life in general, but that's it. Glimpses. Which will bring you back to this entry , where I rambled (again,) about how scared I am in facing life. Maybe that's an overstatement, but truth is, I always think about it, I just don't say it that often. (Writing up in blogs don't count) Anyway, hurrah to the getting-older-but-have-nothing me. Thanks for the wishes though. :)

It's irritating, when you ask people to do something because you don't want to do it, and complain (get angry) at the help that you get. Be grateful, can't you?

Once upon a time, I made a life-changing decision by thinking it thorough. By considering the pros and cons, by considering every other alternatives that you can imagine. And of course, I'd never regretted taking that decision, it has taught me more than I could imagine in just three years. Then after three years, the time to make another decision strikes again. I still have time to ponder, to mope around, thinking of what-ifs and what-wills. All the same, it didn't give the sense of rush that I had three years back because I have roughly five months to think about my life. Back then, I think I have less than a month, and it didn't help with my lack of resources. Only now, life has never been clearer, but scarier. The thoughts of having to work to get money to survive, does scare me a lot. I know some people gets by with help from parents or elder siblings. Me? I can't rely on my parents, not anymore. And I'm the eldest. How can I be selfish and not go look

I usually smile and say, "Okay", "Sure", "Why not?" when it's obviously not okay, when I'm not sure, when everything should be paired with: "why not"s. When I lie, I usually don't give reasons. Or long answers. I just said yeah so I don't have to deal with everything. There's a lot of things that I hate but never said it out loud. Because most of the time, simply asking "Are you okay with it?" won't guarantee a truthful answer from me. Oh, joy. Now it's no secret anymore. (；一_一)

I miss you. Thus all the craziness. Will you take it or leave it?

Last night in Lendu, Alor Gajah. Last night spend with my friends, thinking back of what has happened these last three years. I met and get to know the best girlfriends I ever had. I learn how to be friends with different people, different personalities. Imagine, there's eight of us in that one small house, and everyone is different, unique. Fasya, Farah, Tina, Huda, Aziza, Fauziah, Sue, and Za. The crazy us, the weird us, the loud us. The very different from each other us. The ones that are always there when anyone of us is down, when anyone of us is angry, when anyone of us is going through random mood swings. Thank you for everything because nothing else can summed everything. Sorry for everything for these three years. p/s I hope we can be like this again, someday. :) (And no, girlfriends are not the only people I have met here. I found you too :))

Maybe, sometimes, we say something. Maybe, sometimes, we do something. Maybe, sometimes, we think of something. That something is not necessarily a good thing. It may hurt someone. Who knows? We are not perfect beings. Nobody is. Nobody's an angel. Nobody can not hurt someone, even though not on purpose. We hurt everyone we have known; at least once.  To the people that is hurting: Be strong. That is part of Allah's way of testing you. That is part of the downs that you have to go through in your relationships. That is part of the downs of your life, even. Downs that will make your life a little more exciting to look forward to. To the people who hurts: Take up the courage to say, "I'm sorry". It may not fix the wrong, but it helps it mending the relationship. If not much, then at least you won't turn to enemies, or worse, strangers. p/s Both are for me. We all made (make) mistakes, don't we? ;)

It's almost at the end of another phase in my life. Three years. Three years have gone by so fast. Three years of ups and downs, laughter and tears, of hellos and goodbyes, of everything that I've learned; good and bad. Friends and lecturers. Of those that have become like part of my family, of those that have turned from like a family to strangers. Of those that I never knew, of those that I never had a chance to get to know them better. I wish I can get more friends, more experience, more memories. But like all good things, it has to come to an end. In about a week, I will say goodbye to everything. Everything, the memories, the places, the people, even the cats (LOL). There's so much I've seen, heard, and feel these three years.  Yes, goodbye. I hope we can see each other and relive the moments again, someday. Insya Allah.  p/s: The end of diploma means the start of degree? So I'll be posting something like this in about another

I believe in give and take. But only if it's of the same or equal amount. Any more or less, I'd say people are using me.

Oh please, leave me out of your life. I'm not counting you as someone "important" in my life, so leave me and my life alone.