a Life's Story

 Maybe this can be better. Maybe it won't.  Maybe this will be okay. Maybe it won't. Maybe this will make sense someday. Maybe it never be. Too much uncertainties, and no hopes on the line. Nothing, zero, empty. Feels like walking on glass just to keep up with eating, getting up, trying to pass the time. No answer on the horizon used to be okay, but that is supported by the fact that there was faith.  There is none at the moment. There is nothing that keeps going, except the bare minimum you need in life. That is all, really.  Then you begin to question, what is the point of all this? When there is no hope, no faith, no feelings to guide your decision to do what you needed to do? When there is a very fine line that you tried so hard not to cross just to keep it alive, when you are dying a slow, painful death inside? What is the point of all this? Where is all the hopes and faith that everything will work out eventually in the end?

Masih mencari arah, masih mengharap ada cahaya di hujung jalan, masih ada rasa yakin semua pasti akan jadi lebih baik. Cuma sudah terlalu lelah mencari, hampir putus mengharap, keyakinan mula diusik rasa ragu.  Saban hari dikata, satu hari nanti. Saban hari bertanya, sampai bila mahu begini?  Terlalu letih, tetapi tetap percaya. Hingga percaya menjadi beban batu digalas tiap masa. Hingga percaya seperti membohongi diri. Hingga percaya seperti rasa asing. Mungkin hati sudah lelah, tetapi otak tetap gigih. Mungkin hati masih percaya, cuma otak sudah buntu. Mungkin. Semua mungkin. Jika ditanya lima tahun dahulu adakah ini penghujung jalan? Jawapannya tidak, inilah pangkal jalan. Yang tidak disangka, pangkal sahaja sudah terlalu panjang hingga terlalu lelah tidak mampu diteruskan jalan.  Tetapi masih mengharap cahaya di hujung jalan. Masih menekan diri untuk menggerak langkah. Biarlah walau setapak, biarlah ditinggal di belakang lantaran lelahnya hati; kerana yang perlahan itu tetap ke had