a Life's Story

I have always wondered why do I have to take all those feelings inside myself, letting it flooding my thoughts, my brain, but on the same time doing or facing something completely different than what I am having in my head? I know for a fact that I am too sensitive when it comes to feeling things and emotion. I know that my thoughts are messed up with all the weirdest emotions at a time. Yet still I didn't stop, yet I'm still letting myself to be having all those emotions. Funny, God made me to be that sensitive, yet not so susceptible to emotions that may ruin my daily routine. I'm so angry that I have punched a wall but I still smile to random strangers. I may have cried my eyes out yet I am still up talking to a friend about something completely different. Is it tiring, or is it lonely that I have all those emotions inside of me but not spilling them out to anyone? Even I don't know the answer. Even I can't say that I'm okay. Maybe I am, but maybe I'm

Entah sudah berapa kali, tetapi aku masih mengulang frasa "Tuhan itu adil". Adil, cuma kita tidak nampak, kita tidak mampu menilai. Kita salahkan Tuhan itu kejam hanya kerana satu ujian kecil, sedangkan nikmat yang sudah dihulur-Nya begitu banyak hingga tidak mampu dihitung. Mudahkan kerja orang, insya Allah Dia mudahkan kerja kita. Mungkin kita tidak nampak, mungkin kita tidak akan pernah sedar. Hari ni, seorang lelaki tua warga Britain mengingatkan aku dengan adil Tuhan. BI872 ke Bandar Seri Begawan lewat lima jam daripada waktu sepatutnya, dan dia datang meminta maaf kerana menunggu. Sedangkan manusia yang biasa pasti akan mengeluarkan perkataan kurang enak, tetapi dia sebaliknya. Katanya begini, "we only do it once, but you have to face it everyday," Terima kasih Mr. Bree. Terima kasih kerana mengingatkan aku tidak rugi untuk bersabar, dan tidak rugi untuk terus senyum meski sedang dilanda 1001 masalah. Terima kasih.