All Or Nothing.

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 This feels like it's all or nothing. It feels like if this don't work, there is no way another solution will cropped up and solve it. And even this feels incomplete. Half-hearted. Not perfect.

Maybe imperfection is what is necessary. Because it wasn't perfect, far from it. But it worked. Only difference now, the same thing may be causing more problems than it used to. The same thing that felt so right, now gives off the worst feeling ever. 

Maybe the reason why it stopped working is because I was looking for perfection. When everything is but. Maybe I need to step back, see it the way it was before, plus whatever imperfections it has this time, and embraced it all. Kinda like the way I did back then. When even the imperfection was beautiful, or at least something that you can laughed at.

I hate this dark side of myself. Really can't help thinking the worst, and can't bring myself to think of the ways to bring myself back from it. It sucked. I really missed that time when I was (still am) thinking of the most complicated things in the most complicated way and being able to make sense of it all.

I wish I am that person again. Or maybe after all the years, I should stopped being so complicated and be simple, thus having simple life problems that need simple solutions.

But life can screw you more than you like to admit. Maybe it is time to stop finding a solution, but to have faith that eventually everything will work out the way it meant to be, however that may be.

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