a Life's Story

Life is like a game that has no restart button. Ironically, that means you cannot treat life as a game. True, making mistakes teach us to be mature, but the mistakes we have done intentionally or not, will be carried with us throughout the journey.  It is up to us to work through the mistakes we have done, and learn something from it. To forget it, to stash it away somewhere deep in your memory, where it will never disturb you again. That's up to us.  We will only learn when we make mistakes. Yet, to be making the same mistake twice calls for a different approach in life. You can blame your parents for forcing to take something you don't like, or your friends for tempting you with all the sweet things in life (too many sweets cause tooth decay,). You made mistakes, you learn from it. You don't parade to others that you have managed to get out of the troubles but is still at the same spot, not moving forward.  Learn from your mistakes, right?

Dari depan belakang dugaan datang masa hujung semester. Risau, sakit kepala, takut, usah disebut. Bukan tidak pernah buat kerja di saat terakhir, bukan tidak pernah berjumpa masalah ketika saat terakhir, tetapi sungguh, semester yang tinggal lagi dua hari waktu kuliah ini benar-benar menguji kesabaran dan ketabahan. Jujurnya, bukan tidak biasa dengan keadaan kelam-kabut akhir semester. Mungkin banyak kejadian semester ini yang menjadikan kesabaran itu menipis, dan ketabahan itu goyah. Semangat belajar usah ditanya, entah sudah terbang ke mana.  Alhamdulillah juga, walaupun ada konflik, ada masalah, sudah lebih separuh tugasan selesai. Kalau ada yang belum sekalipun, tugasan tersebut tidak memerlukan temu janji dibuat sebulan awal, atau 20 muka surat laporan untuk sesuatu yang kita boleh ringkaskan di dalam video lima minit. Masih ada lagi tugasan yang tertangguh, tetapi mujur juga pensyarah memahami, dan hanya meminta untuk pastikan tugasan dihantar, biarpun lewat daripada...

Feeling extremely ashamed of myself. I was the one who lectured people on what we choose may not work as we wish, yet I'm the one lamenting my choices. I was feeling overwhelmed. Still am, in fact. But somehow, I managed to tell myself to calm down and try to get everything done. I believed in finishing what I have started, unlike me few years back. Yeah, finish what I have started. I only got another semester of studying here, then another semester of internship, then I'm done and I'll be continuing my life somewhere, somehow. p/s I still want to get another degree in linguistics, insya Allah. But not here, and definitely not after I'm done with the first.

Feeling overwhelmed with all the thoughts inside my head. Yes, it's all inside my head. As always, I'm usually fine with the amount of work being shoved into my face. I know my limits, I know to what extend I can juggle assignments, classes, work and play. It may not be the most agreeable to most, but it's the way I get things done. Definitely not helping; especially when I'm losing the will to continue my study here. Not that I'm tired of studying, I still have a passion in going to class, getting my assignments done, stuff like that. I'm starting to hate the environment here. Saying this, a lot of people will say I'm ungrateful; but it's the truth. And if you have taken the liberty to read my older posts, sugarcoating the truth is not something I'm very fond of.  I don't know if it's the environment, or it's because of what has been happening this semester. I'm trying my best not to put the blame on anyone but me. But after...

Sometimes I wish that running away is an option. You run away from all the madness in life for as long as you want, then you return whenever you are ready. There's so much madness we need to comprehend, that sometimes we get overwhelmed and are lost in everyday's musings. We lost the will, the motivation, the drive to move us forward. We have lost figuratively everything when it's actually still there, in front of you.  No will to move forward, no idea what to do to replace what you're doing now. So you just go on, without any real feelings. Life's harsh, it never let us to go back, but simply to move forward; whether we want to or not. p/s Sometimes I also wish that I don't lost my motivation over nothing. It's a pain in the ass to get myself moving again.

ふたり - いきものがかり (Futari - Ikimonogakari) 作詩：水野良樹 作曲：水野良樹 抱きしめても　抱きしめても　届かない想いがあるなら 言葉にできないその痛みは　ぼくが今　受け止めるよ いつから　ぼくらは大人になって かぞえきれない涙を　うまくはない　笑顔に隠してきたんだろう そうだよ　傷つくことはわかっていた こんなにもそばにいるのに　どうしてかな　切なくなるときがあるよ 春に吹き込んだ　東京の風に何かをみつけ 歩き出すんだと　きみは泣いていた 抱きしめても　抱きしめても　届かない想いがあるなら 重ねたこころに耳を　寄せて　きみの声　探すよ 離さないで　離さないで　ふたりは　つながっているから 言葉にできないその痛みは　ぼくが今　受け止めるよ どうして　素直になれないんだろう 隣りにいて欲しいってさ　言えるのなら　寂しさも温もりを持つのに 優しすぎるんだ　小さな嘘もつけないままだよ はぐれそうな手を　きみは　握り返す 抱きしめても　抱きしめても　かなわない想いがあるなら 凍えるこころに　祈り込めて　ぼくの声　伝うよ 離さないで　離さないで　この手は　つながっているから 言葉にできないその願いは　ぼくが今　受け止めるよ 抱きしめても　抱きしめても　届かない想いがあるから 何度も　こころに　手を伸ばして　きみの声　探すよ 離さないで　離さないで　ふたりは　つながっているから 言葉にできないその痛みは　ぼくが今　受け止めるよ p/s Cari sendiri translation. Jangan malas

Selama kita hidup, banyak keputusan kita perlu ambil. Kadang-kadang, kita tiada pilihan atau pilihan terhad, dan kita pilih sesuatu yang kita mungkin tidak suka. Bila kita tidak suka, motivasi tiada, yang keluar daripada mulut hanya keluhan dan rungutan. Bila kita tidak suka, kita pasti akan salahkan segalanya, kecuali diri sendiri. Begitu hidup yang kita mahu hingga ke akhirnya? Hanya kerana pilihan terhad, dipaksa untuk buat sesuatu yang kita benci, kita ada hak untuk salahkan orang lain? Sedangkan apabila kita mampu memilih apa yang kita suka pun sudah bersusun dugaannya, apa lagi kalau sudah benci. Tiada yang mudah dalam hidup sekarang. Tiada yang straight forward, yang kita boleh ramal dengan tepat hasilnya. Kalau benci sekalipun, tidak perlu disalahkan mereka yang berjaya buat pilihan yang mereka suka. Kau mudah menutur kata, mereka semua beruntung, kerana tidak menanggung beban yang kau rasa. Kau kata kami tidak faham bebanan kau. Benar, kami tidak faham. Ka...